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A change of heart

I'd like to share something that has changed in my household. It's small and significant.

With the cold weather it's not surprising that I don't want to leap out of bed in the morning and if you're anything like me you'll understand the next few minutes.

Does your morning go something like this? You lay there after the alarm has woken you to a conversation in your head that goes something like this...

"wow, it's morning already?.I just closed my eyes, how does this happen? ok, just 5 more minutes." {rolls over} "OMG - that 5 minutes was 20 minutes... that went so fast - holy c*$p I have to get my shower in before the teenagers or I'll never see the bathroom before I have to go!"

I felt I had so much to fit into my days with constant up-skilling, experimenting, chauffeuring ( obviously, I have kids!), cooking, cleaning and the pressures of keeping up with all my family's emotional and physical needs, that...well, I kind of lost myself. I didn't think I had, but that's exactly what I did.

Of course, it didn't just happen all at once. I needed a change, so I read a few books, thought about it and then when I was ready, I changed stuff. So why wasn't I ready when I was so weary and trying to keep up with my days? I know the reason. I'd like to think it's the same as everyone's... I was comfortable in my discomfort. I'd make this really perfect story that I repeated to myself over and over about how I was so frantic, there wasn't enough time, I had so much to do... blah blah blah... and I bought into it.

Sound familiar? What's interesting is -I've had a change of heart. You see - Now, I get up at 5.30, brush my teeth, wash my face and make a cup of tea right before I sit down and write or read for an hour. It has changed my life. Sounds simple and It is really. I just had to decide to get up and invest in myself - set me up for the day and make some choices about how the day was going to go. Sound good? It is. Sound hard? It was, but only at first.

So, while I would like to say it has been amazing on every level - it hasn't. I've been challenged in new ways, because I have changed my story, my way of looking at the world and sometimes it has sucked a big one! Well it did at first anyway.

After being a little more resigned to it I started to feel more awake and in order for change to happen, I knew that any discomfort was brought on by my resistance to surrender to my newer, happier, more life defining decisions about who I am and where I'm headed and the understanding that my story wasn't real.

I don't mean that I have the world figured out, but my little corner of it is certainly happier and more defined.

I wanted to put this out there to remind you that you matter and that sometimes the stories we tell ourselves are in our heads and we have the capacity to change them anytime we want. Be kind to yourself and the world will open up to you.

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